I met a beautiful soul- amazing woman the other day. She shared with me a bit of her life.. a bit of her experience in helping human kind.
She told me about the Dakota Access pipeline trauma that occurred a couple years ago in the Dakotas. :-(
The conversation began when I noticed the kambo healing scars on her arm, she quite as many as I did. I asked her how long she had been working with kambo. She smiled very sweetly, like a family member would when they see me in the first time after a long time.. 'around 16 years now'.. she began telling me how much she loved Iquitos and this area of the world.. that she'd been coming here for so many months a year.. this is home.
Somehow the conversation between us and the guys got into her being in Dakota.. working in a type of medicine tent that provided aid to those in the event. She was there for only a bit of time. But enough to see what she described.
There were plans circling the camp 24 hours a day, kind of low to the ground.. the noise was unbearable at times. People who had been there from the start, it affected them.. 'they are coming for us'.. a kind of psychological warfare.
When I arrived it was a serious thing. A native fro the area would greet us and tell us the rules- no alcohol, no drugs, and you need to attend the orientation.
They were absolutely no violence. Would not be tolerated.
It wasn't a true police force or military personnel, it was a militia type group hired by the oil companies.
There was one point when they were spraying rat poison from the planes onto the people protesting.
It got so bad, these companies hired a separate group to come in and finish the job. The had a kind of gun they were blasting, the bullets were metal cans. One guy came into the herbal tent his should shattered.
She said more things.
How sad the world still is, how sad it is many don't know, how sad it is we chose to forget.
She lives in the Amazon Jungle (as do I) ... she was rescued from the market here, as someone was selling her, a few months ago. We bought her to bring her back to the jungle. She is scared to be on her own as she is just a baby so she is living with a family for now until she is a bit older, we want her to feel safe and comfortable before just leaving her in the wild.
I picked her up to take her on a visit deeper into the jungle. I looked her in her eyes and she looked right into my heart. She remembered me. She reached out and snuggled herself into my soul.
People asked me on this trip, is she yours? No, she belongs to the earth. I am just helping to take care of her until she is ready to be on her own. She is just a baby who wants and needs love. I am doing my part. <3
I love this chubby wubby, my babes Aya <3
The journey is even sweeter when you fill your life with honey <3
live the life you love, love the life you live
there is no need to stress.. change your circumstance if you are not in happy place. whether it be work, field of study, food you are eating, place you are living.. change it up and thrive <3
all will work itself out .. trust in the universe - its truly made of magic
In a recent conversation, someone reminded me that I once said 'plant medicines are a shortcut for practiced meditation'..
I was wrong.
The generous medicines the plants provide are much.. much more. They address healing of the mind, of the body, of emotions, of spirit.. They connect you back to I.. before I became I am ... before I became I am this or I am that. These plants medicines connect you to other dimensions... allow you to see energy.. to feel energy more deeply.. They assist in our connection back to all, to the animals, to the plants, to each other, to ourselves.
Mother Earth provided many gifts to us through plants and her many creations. There is reason they all exist. There is reason generations of the indigenous peoples of the earth have embraced plants the way they do.. natives of India, of South America, of North America, of Australia, of the vast lands of Africa, etc.
Meditation can (and should be) practiced throughout the day, not simply by sitting in quietness.. but through all you do. Being present, accepting what is, and doing all you do with dedication ❤
Plant medicines and meditation can go hand and hand but they are not the same. Plant medicines can help you on your journey with meditation, but they bring to the table so much more.
Learning as I go, sharing as I learn..
Embracing the gifts of our Creator more and more, every day ❤
"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better."
Once, Rabindranath Tagore, the great poet and Self Realized man was travelling and met one of his friends.
After a long conversation, his friend said to Tagore that “I understand that you are a Self Realized man and I am feeling very much anxious to know, what was the first action you did, after becoming aware of Oneness in all”.
Tagore smiled and replied that “When I realized the Oneness of all, I threw my shaving kit into the ocean. I gave up my ego and surrendered to nature. I wanted to live in the form that my Creator has given me.”
But this first entry is about my last, 5th ceremony, at the retreat center. Ok- so I looked back at previous entries that I already wrote. In addition, I remember that unintentionally or at least not consciously, I was moving my neck and body like a snake … in circular movements. I also opened my jaws very wide, a few times, in order to stretch the bones and muscles. I must have stretched all my muscles and cracked all the bones I was able to. These were instinctive movements with the medicine working in me. The vibrations were more intense than anything I had previously experienced. It started in my legs and moved its way up my body… so much I was bouncing on my mat- feelings as if I could levitate off the ground.
August 28th was our final ceremony. I was hesitant to partake and even more at odds as to what I should ask for. I decided midway through the day that I would ask to see my family lineage.. to see where I came from.
During the floral bath I asked the shaman how much ayahuasca I should drink, she told em half cup.. and so I did.
Immediately, at ceremony, after drinking the half cup, I could feel it working through my body. I sat next the shaman and the energy I felt was more intense. I did not have visuals.. instead I immediately felt very connected, connected to some big energy. The night prior, I felt this intense connection to all those in the room and then to nature. This night, I felt an immense connection to nature and then to my higher self. I could hear the birds, the crickets, the frogs, the moths.. as if they all came out to say hello. The moon was so bright, it illuminated the moloka.. in the darkness of the night, one could see all inside the moloka. The light emanating from the moon was so radiant. The light looked as if there was a cross coming out of the moon, a very intense white light. At a few points in the night, I felt a calling from the moon, my legs began to vibrate, almost uncontrollably.. I asked the moon to not call for me, feeling that I may not return.
My legs continued to vibrate, so intensely I thought I may levitate off the ground. I was very scared at the time.
The first shaman sat in front of me, singing his icaros. I was very present, I felt a tough fathers love in front of me. I called on the energy of the moon to shine of the shaman and then on me.
The energy was immense when the other Shaman sat in front of me. I my entire body was vibrating, so much so that I was actually bouncing off my mat. I was dancing during this time. i was moving my hands like a snake and my body and neck followed.
As the singing continued, so did my dance. I felt the vibration in their voice.. when they finished, I danced to the sounds of nature. I could their vibration deep within.
During the night, my mind drifted to my intention, I saw Shiva. He was very large, very powerful… and I began vibrating again. He was sitting in front of me. I looked up and could not see where the top of his head was. He was massive and all encompassing. I realized my family lineage came from Shiva and I came from vibrations.
I was busy moving all night and feeling the energy. When ceremony ended, I got up to use the bathroom- I was very dizzy. My body was still vibrating.
I was so grateful for the experience. I felt so intone with my self. I did not want and still do not want this connection to fade.
That night, I laid in my bed, wanting and concentrating on the vibration I felt within and outward with the sounds of nature and the awe of the stars in the sky.
I’m not exactly sure what day it is today but WOW. Last night was our 4th ayahuasca ceremony and it was absolutely amazing. So many things led up to how last night happened and the things I experienced. From the conversations that other people had in front of me and with me, the experiences they had in past sessions.. to all what I’ve been through in my life.
Prior to ceremony, I wanted to speak to the shamans about feeling as if my body was rejecting the ayahuasca and what advice they had for me. I went for a little nature walk with one of the girls and apparently missed my chance to speak to them.
After the flower bath.. and after my meditation in the rain, I asked one of the facilitators for advice. After asking me what I felt my issues were, she told me to remember why I came here and said something about acknowledging how I get distracted. I felt a protective energy from the other facilitator all afternoon.
For ceremony, I wore my long sleeve cotton white shirt, leggings, socks, nothing under- I felt free.
I was nervous about an hour leading to ceremony. I was trying to form a specific intention that encompassed exactly why I came. I had been distracted in past ceremonies, asking for things I was told ayahuasca had the ability to show us. This time, I remembered why I came, I was overflowing with emotions. I decided I would ask Mata Ayahuasca to help me find my soul and to realize all the love I would ever need is inside me already.
We did a group meditation. I think the best yet. Deep breathing, release from up and down, pulling in and out, focusing on every are of the body. I was so relaxed, I almost dozed off.
This time, I drank half a cup. I stated my intention as I drank, in my mind.. I remember the female shaman saying something right after I drank but what she said I cannot remember.
As I got up to head back to my mat, I immediately felt a very high energy, something I had never felt before. I started to shake. I tried to come back to my breath.. I heard my barf sister throw up, I knew it was almost my turn. I managed to keep the medicine in until the moment of the candle light being turned off.
This heaviness came upon me and a few visuals began. I remembered sitting down with other people.. there were quite a few of them, tall men dressed in a light color, sitting in the inner circle of the moloka. These huge round circular discs full of information, in some type of code, rotating in front of me, toward me. I felt I had seen this image before, where, I am not too sure. I remember bright pink, blue, and a reddish color against the black. It was so beautiful. I think there were animals and water around also. I was sitting in the moloka, yes, but I had entered some other dimension. I felt a bit frightened, unsure of what was to come. In my fright, I chanted love and all became bright.
I could feel my body vibrating.. and then my grandma and my dad in the room. I could not see them, but I felt their presence, their spirit energy. They were close to me, in the upper part of the right corner in the moloka. I wept. I remember talking with my grandma.. laughing, telling her I understood. And now it made sense why I was so drawn to her. I was overcome with love.
I turned to the shamans and thanked them. They looked older and felt older, I called them ‘mis abuelos’.
Grandma was telling me about our family and that we are healing people. She showed me.. or in a sense had me remember, things from when I was young. Her funeral replayed in my thoughts, she showed me my behavior, how I was engaging with all.. she showed me as I watched her in the coffin, as my dad picked me so I could apply perfume to her. At the dead work, a religious function that takes place once a hindu passes away, I was the only child in the room. She showed me my presence there many years ago, my attention to the work, I was fully engaged with what was going on.. watching my dad perform the rituals for her. I picked up my hair and showed her its length. I sent her love and hugs.
Then my dad came. How I’ve missed him so much.. so very much. I put my hands to him and sent and received so much love. I wept.. and wept. I told him how much I missed him. I asked him why he has to leave me, Manda, and Jeremy (my younger siblings). He let me feel his pain, a deep sorrowful pain, he said he wanted/was ready? to be a bird again. He wanted to be free. I wept so much. I remembered when I was a child, my father used to tell me when he died he wanted to be free as a bird. He told me something good had came to him the night he passed away, a good spirit, to help him let go. I scolded him a little for leaving his kids. And I scolded him for his behavior toward mom when he was alive.. I remember air smacking him a couples times.. 3 actually. And throughout, love.
I looked around the room.. I sent so much love to everyone. I thanked the shamans again. I sent love and respect to them as well as the facilitators. I breathed in and blew love to everyone. I remember picking up my hair and showing it the two of the women in the moloka, it was dark of course, but I was showing their presence. I was showing my hair, saying ‘I knew’. The vibrations were so strong.. my entire self was pulsating.
I visited each person in that room. I felt as if I could feel what they were going on, in their journey. I could feel pain in some. I sent healing energy. I would later find out the next day, from each, that most of what I sensed was in fact what they were going through.
All during the night, I could feel this immense energy coming from the sky.. the animals, the insects.. were all giving all love and energy and I was channeling it into the room. The vibration was so intense, my hands went above and to the side of me, I began moving my fingers as if they were wings, bringing it all in.
Then I positioned myself and got ready.. first I visited my sister. I told her I was sorry and didn’t meant o abandon her when we were younger, that I was going through my own things and didn’t know how to do that and be there for her in those moments. I prayed for her and sent so much love.I also told her I saw Grandma and Dad.
I took a sip of water, as I was completely perched from visiting my sister.. and then went to visit my brother. I prayed for him and told him I saw Dad and why he had to go. I held him in my arms and rocked him like when he was a baby and sang him ‘silent night’. I told him I loved him and I would always, always be there for him.
I took another sip and visited mom. I cried, a very deep cry. I told her I loved her and forgave her for all that happened. I put my hands over her body and tried to heal her of her internal issues. I cried a lot. I felt so drained. I leaned back, stretched, and took another sip of water.
Next, I went back to Dad and told him how sorry I was for the pain he experienced. I told him I would go back and try towel his pain. Somehow I felt as I was able to go back in time to when dad still had his body. I put my hands over him and prayed for his sorrow to be healed. I told him how sorry I was for not spending time with him in the end of his physical presence and how much I loved him. When I was done, I needed another sip of water.
I visited Mr. Sicily. I cried a bit also. I saw he was sleeping. I put my hands over him ‘I’m sorry for your pain, I know you don’t know/remember love in that way.. I forgive you for how mean you’ve been, if you hadn’t been I wouldn’t be here right now.. and its ok if we aren't to be- its ok, I understand now why you cam into my life- still a soul mate but maybe not in that way, but I will always be here for you, you will always have a friend in me, I will always love you.’ I smiled and cried.
I visited my first love, Mr. Superhero. I told him I forgave him and that I did love him but we were not meant for each other in that way in this life. I told him he would be ok.
The vibration of love that I was feeling was so real. I was moving my hands to sounds of the jungle. I felt the space between my throat and my ear open up- and felt a rush of air pass through that space and into the room.
The animals outside were getting louder it seemed, it felt as if they were communicating with me or all of us in the moloka. I raised my arms to the sky and my arms buena to wave. I was especially drawn to the crickets, the frogs, and the birds. My self could feel the vibration of the moth, or so it felt. I was able to bring love from outside the moloka, in. I literally felt like I was pulling an immense amount of love inside. I spread it to all inside sharing the space. There was magic in the air, quite literally.
I thought I was done, but the healing sessions began again.
I went to visit my cousin, the one who had suggested I come to Peru. I told him thank you for sending me to the Amazon and told him Grandma came to visit me. I told him the messages Grandma gave me about our family. I told him about Dad coming to visit me and his messages about his departure. I told him we should bring another of our cousins.. another sip of water.
All the while my eyes were open and closed. I was fully feeling the medicine but also very conscious of what was going on and also occurring in the room.
I visited Sabrina, my childhood and still best friend. I laughed with her and danced for her (while sitting) and told her I was coming into myself. Water.
I visited Vanessa, my college and still best friend. I put my hands over her body and cried a little as I could feel the worry of her sickness. Amidst my healing session with her, I heard kambo. I laughed and told her to come to jungle and do kambo.
I said hello to Victor.
I visited one of the guys in the room, a few times during the night.. He was having a really hard night with the purging. I told him I totally understood his actions from the night before. (The night before he had been a bit louder than most, standing up and chanting, saying he was god) I giggled and said Shiva Shakti. I made a face in Kali pose.
I visited another friend and told her not to sad and prayed over her also. I could sense a deep sadness inside.
Sasha visited me. I cried. Sasha had passed away not long before, she was raped and killed by someone she should have been able to trust. A young girl, my sisters age, a childhood friend, and a reason I was there in the Amazon in that moment. She was smiling, I could feel her smile. She said it had to be her. She said she was very strong and I laughed with her as I showed her my muscles and she responded yes. She had to be the one to fight it (him? demon? bad spirit?) I told her I would go see her parents and tell them he said hello.
At one point in the night, I turned around and was feeling the vibration form the jungle, from the life that lived in this magical place. It was truly a beautiful thing. I send my respect and love.
I looked at a super bright star to my right and gave prayers and thanks. It felt as if this star was sending energy directly to me.
My dad’s dad came to visit me. He sat in front of me. I saw him very clearly. “Finally beta, you are here.. its been a long time”
I needed water. I felt so thirsty this night.
When the shamans started singing, the vibration in me got at its most intense state. I was moving along to the music. I remember saying to my grandma, ‘ should I just go ahead and dance?.. no, not quite yet.’
When the first shaman sat in front of me I moved to the beat of his icaros. He put both his feet on my mat. I gently placed the tips of my fingers on his feet for blessings. When placed his hands in front of me to do his work, I placed the tips of my fingers on his. His face seemed to change as he was sitting in front of me, he looked like my grandpa. It was not steady but seemed to flush in and out. When he moved to the next person, I took another sip of water.
The other shaman sat in front of me and I could not hold back my urge to dance any longer. My eyes were closed and I moved to the sound of her voice. When I opened my eyes, my movements seemed to have been complementing hers. At the time I felt a presence of a strong mother figure, I identified so much with her icaros.
When she moved, I began to really embrace the sound and dance. It was intense. I felt I had been to dancing to these sounds for lifetimes. It felt so ingrained in me.
When ceremony was ending, the shamans flashed a light at the facilitator. He had dozed off. I remember they had flashed a couple of times without response. After he got up, he dizzy walked over to the shamans. He seemed a bit confused orin a daze. He went to the candle to put it back on. The lighter was not working. I kept thinking, perhaps the spirits did not want the ceremony to end.
I stayed in the molokai after ceremony. I was feeling the energy so much.
I needed to pee. I walked to the bathroom, I must have peed for 3 minutes. So much water inside me.
Back in the moloka, one of the guys came over and we talked. I asked him if he felt that I visited him in the night. He said he did, all during the night.
I stayed up talking with a few other people that night, before heading to my bed, to try and get some rest.
When I did get to my room, around 3:30am, the vibration was still so strong. My eyes opened at 5:30am, I sat up in my bed, said my prayers to the rising sun.
I went for a walk around the lodge. I saw the shamans. I hugged them and the others who were awake at that time. One of the shamans embraced me calling me her daughter, ‘mi hija, mi hija’. So much love.
During group share I was super emotional and very grateful to have all these people around me. Some of what happened to me was confirmed by others. One of the facilitators said he had silent night replaying in his head over and over. Three of the guys confirmed what I thought they were journeying through was in fact true.
In the day, I was nervous, thinking whether or not to drink for the 5th ceremony. I had such an amazing, positive experience, I did not know what may happen on our final night.
This morning I woke at 5:30am. I began the day with prayers from my bed. I got up, took a shower.. a cold shower, as that is the only option unless waiting for the sun to warm to water and waited for the rest of the group to start our kambo session. The two ladies who were on the first retreat decided to go first. They sat on mats near to the bathroom with a bucket for purging.. and Victor, our jungle guide and kambo practitioner, worked with medicine on each. Two of the other girls who were sleeping in another tambo went next, one had deep purging, the other had same but also passed out for a few seconds. I saw the power of this medicine. Victor was with each of us as the medicine was working thru our bodies, spirit and mind. Victor poured cold water with a squeeze of lime on her temples.. she came to .. crawled to the bathroom and then crawled to the shower once the medicine finished its work.
Then it was my turn. I felt very calm and ready to receive healing with this medicine. Victor made three burns on my upper arm, near my shoulder. After each burn, he wiped the burnt top layer of skin off, this was necessary, as the medicine is applied to this part of skin and is able to penetrate into blood. He asked me to spit on the medicine stick, a piece of wood that held the secretion of this magical creature, kambo. We learned from him previously that while some use water to activate secretion, certain tribes use saliva. Saliva is used because it contains enzymes, upon contact with medicine it activates stronger in your body when applied as your DNA is mixed in with the medicine. He mixed the secretions and my saliva until a jelly paste substance formed. He applied this to each of the dots he made on my skin. It stung a lot. I was sitting on the floor and moved the bucket between my legs to get in a good position to purge, I could feel the medicine working in me. I started to feel disoriented. I tried to focus on my breaths and asked the spirit of kambo to heal me of my ailments, in body, mind and spirit. Then I was in a dream.. or what felt like it. I remember it being beautiful, lots of flowers, greenery and waterfall up ahead. I was walking behind, following, my dad and my grandmother. I cannot remember what happened but felt like they were taking me somewhere. I opened my eyes, most of the girls from the group and couple other people were around me, watching me. “I’m all wet,” I was drenched in water. One of the guys who came with Victor smiled and said “yes, you are, you passed out.” I told them about my vision, I felt I was gone for hours and hours.. maybe days. It was beautiful, I wanted to go back. One of the girls in my group began telling me what happened, I would later find out all the details from Victor and his friends whom he brought to the jungle. They said I was doing my breathing and they thought, at the time, I was handling the medicine like a pro. Then I began to fall back, Victors friend caught me before hitting my head (I should have been sitting with my back against the wall, but had not been). They said my eyes rolled to the back of my head and they saw the whites of my eyes, I was shaking almost seizure like.. but was told by Victor and one of the facilitators that I was moving my body like a snake, shaking in a slivery manner. They poured water over my head. I came to, then went again. I clenched my hands into a fist and they began to curl in, they had to pry them open, still pouring more water on me. As I sat there, i was amazed to hear what happened… I felt drunk. I picked up my bucket and went to the bathroom. Purge from all ends at the same time, what a feeling that was. The medicine was still on my skin, I did not want to take it off as I felt the healing, I wanted it to continue. I made my way back to the mat and put my bucket in front of me. I purged again, this time a high neon yellow color. And then again. The taste was very acidic. I knew from our talk with Victor before that this was a goal of working with kambo, to empty out the gall bladder and intestines, the bile. I gargled back some water to get the taste out of my throat and mouth. My tongue, hands, toes and lips were numb. I had frog face, my lips, muscle around my lips were super DUPER swollen. A sight to see indeed. The facilitator washed the medicine off my arm. I took a shower. Under the cool water, instant relief, the heaviness from the medicine passed.
All I could manage to eat for breakfast was a bowl of porridge and a cup of cinnamon tea.
Then it was time to head to the village. As the village I had REAL WATERMELON.. how I missed thee. I cannot remember the last time I ate watermelon with seeds inside, an abundance of seeds <3 So naturally sweet. I collected the seeds and put them in my purse. In the store, I bought two bottles of rum, to bring back as souvenirs to my brother in law and my uncle.. and two shirts for myself. We visited a sloth, Pepe. He had been rescued by a local villager, his mother eaten by hawks. He had been crying on the ground and she cared for him as he was still a baby. That was years ago and now Pepe lives with this woman. He goes into jungle every so often and returns on his own to her. He was so cuddly and sweet. We learned sloths are so slow because this kind eats a certain kind of leaf, only fresh leaves and only this leaf, cecropia. Cecropia is full of THC <3 Fun fact :-)
The sun was so hot. I feel weak and dehydrated. Over- exertion. I was looking forward to getting back to the lodge.
My hands, toes and tongue were still tingling.
Once back at the lodge, lunch was waiting for us. I had no hunger. I forced myself to eat a cucumber salad and drank lots of lime water.
I am relaxing in a hammock.
Session tonight will start soon.. and the light is dimming.. I shall write later.
Love always <3
Sharing this journey with hopes of deeper understanding and to help aid you in your own inner travels.